Classic French Toast
Source: Photo and food courtesy of Julian Clauss-Ehlers
We did it! We’re in a romantic relationship. The relationship we’ve yearned and hoped for. Our long-term committed partnership is finally here.
But once we’re in this committed relationship we’ve desired, how do we manage the long haul? How do we negotiate differing needs and expectations that naturally arise between ourselves and our partners?
Thinking about the impact of stress on relationships is important because outside stressors, which often have nothing to do with the partnership, can wear down relationships over time. My husband Julian and I certainly saw this during COVID-19 when he, like many others, suddenly became unemployed as a chef. While this was an external stressor that had nothing to do with our relationship, it, of course, had a major impact as we grappled with financial strain and anxiety about an unknown future, as well as the fears and uncertainties of a pandemic threatening all of us.
How do we manage the outside stressors that seem to seep into our private lives and make their navigation more difficult?
And what can help decrease the impact of these stressors on our relationships?
I’ve been thinking about these questions as Julian and I approach a milestone wedding anniversary. Below are some thoughts that come to mind. They are shared with the hope of resonating with your experience.
Listening and Responding to Each Other’s Needs and Worries
It’s natural to get so busy during the day that we forget to make time to be intentional about our relationships. Things pull at us: work, school, kids. They leave us running in all directions except toward our partners.
When this becomes a pattern, we might start to feel distant, even unappreciated. The stress may begin to feel insurmountable as we deal with it on our own, without the dedicated time to manage as a partnership. It’s like our French toast has become soggy in the middle, weighing on us as we eat it, rather than being fluffy and light.
Given the stressors Julian and I experienced during the pandemic, it was fascinating to come across research that described “perceived partner responsiveness” as a buffer for COVID-related stressors that influence how we feel about our relationships (Balzarini et al., 2022). Perceived partner responsiveness refers to how much we perceive our significant other cares about us and understands our experiences. People who felt their partners cared about them reported more positive feelings about their relationship in the context of COVID-related stressors. In contrast, people who didn’t perceive their partners as responsive reported more negative relationship feelings (Balzarini et al., 2022).
It makes complete sense that when we feel cared for, we feel better about our relationship. One of the things that struck me about this study is the idea that feeling cared for by our partners is so powerful that it helps us manage outside stressors in our lives. I like to think that my listening to Julian’s fears helped him maintain his confidence so that he could be successful in finding a position appropriate to his skills when the time came.
I’m reminded of the saying that it’s “the little things” that make such a difference in our lives. If perceptions of care are so vital, maybe it’s the small details that can let our partners know we care about them. The card on the counter that greets us hello after a long day; the dishes being put away so we don’t have to do it; leaving the light on so we can make our way up the path when we get home after a long work day; pampering our partner with classic French toast and breakfast in bed.
I remember that one of the ways Julian and I managed the economic stress was by sharing time together, something we hadn’t had throughout our marriage, given grueling chef hours. This generated ideas for a book together that combined our seemingly disparate areas of expertise: food and psychology. Our book, Eating Together, Being Together (Clauss-Ehlers & Clauss-Ehlers, 2022), came out of this time of greater communication during COVID and out of the many meals that we prepared and shared as a family.
Dealing With Stress Together as a Couple
It’s ironic that those we love the most are often those who bear the greatest witness to our stress. We might be so overwhelmed that we project our feelings onto our partners, sometimes without even realizing we’re doing so.
Cooking Together
Source: Photo and Food courtesy of Julian Clauss-Ehlers
In my private practice, seeing couples in therapy, it’s common for outside stressors to intensify to the point that couples lose sight of each other as they grapple to manage what’s before them. Through support and stepping back to see the big picture, realizing that each person wants the same positive outcome, couples can learn to address stressors together rather than in opposition. Dyadic coping (Falconier et al., 2015) occurs when we try to help our partner deal with stress and work together as a team when stressful situations arise.
Relationships Essential Reads
Cooking Couples
Making time to have fun and nurture each other is at the heart of our book. What better way to let you know you care about your partner than making our Classic French Toast for breakfast in bed. Or you can prepare it together, engaging in dyadic coping in the kitchen, quickly getting back into bed on a weekend morning.
When we cook for each other, not only do we nurture our bodies, we nurture our relationships too, in many delicious ways.
Stale Brioche
Source: Photo courtesy of Julian Clauss-Ehlers
Sustainability Suggestion: Stale bread actually makes better French toast because it’s better able to absorb the custard than fresh bread. Stale bread helps our Classic French Toast have flavor and texture on the outside and at its core.
Classic French Toast
INGREDIENTS
2 large eggs
½ cup whole milk
2 Tbsp maple syrup
1 Tbsp granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
½ tsp ground cinnamon
1 pinch fine sea salt
4 slices stale brioche or challah bread, each about 3/4-in thick
4 Tbsp unsalted butter
Confectioners’ sugar (aka powdered sugar)
Fruit for garnish
SERVES 4
DIRECTIONS
In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk, maple syrup, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, and salt. Submerge the brioche slices, one by one, in the egg mixture, making sure the bread is saturated all the way through. Pile the soaked bread on a plate while you get the skillet ready.
In one large or two small skillets, melt the butter over medium heat until it starts to bubble. Add the soaked bread and cook for two to three minutes or until it starts to turn brown at the edges.
Berries and Spice
Source: Photo courtesy of Julian Clauss-Ehlers
Flip the bread and cook on the other side for two to three minutes or until golden brown. Remove the French toast from the skillet and place on a cutting board. Cut each slice diagonally in half.
Place two halves on each of four plates.
Give your finished dish that restaurant look by garnishing it with fruit and sprinkling a little confectioners’ sugar on top.
Enjoy breakfast in bed with your partner, taking time to re-nourish your relationship and yourself!
Appreciation to Dr. Carolyn Newberger for her review and feedback.
Source link : https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/eating-together-being-together/202410/falling-back-into-romance-this-fall
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Publish date : 2024-10-18 15:37:30
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